after the few hours of sleep i managed to get, i woke up at 7:30 on sunday. this is generally early for me on a yoga weekend so i stayed tucked in my bed trying to quiet my ever spinning mind.
at the incessant meowing and scratching at my door from millie cat i finally rose to greet the final day of teacher training.
as i entered the second floor studio at back bay yoga, the energy was bouncing off the walls. everyone was nervously talking and planning and prepping for their teaching practicum. when natasha finally got us settled in she read us a quote (of which i have become much enamored). it's been credited to both marianne williamson and nelson mandela:
"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of God. your playing small doesn’t serve the world. there’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. we were born to manifest the glory of God within us. it’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
and then on we continued, 36 of us - teaching one pose at a time for five minutes a piece. and it was so beautiful. hearing everyone you could tell how much they cared and how much love and work they had put into these five minutes. and everyone in the room practicing beamed love and support to whoever was teaching, it was really an event i won't soon forget. while the whole practicum took almost five hours, part of me didn't want it to be over. during savasana, natasha read us the poem ithaca by cavafy saying that not only was it one of her favorites, but it also felt very appropriate for the teacher trainings:
"When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.
Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber, and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.
Always keep Ithaca on your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what these Ithacas mean."
as she read i felt a lump rise up in my throat and two tears rolled down out from under the towel i had placed over my eyelids. i breathed out a large sigh to try to release the knot in my throat. slowly we all rolled up and took a short break.
when we reconvened we were passed out small tea light candles from natasha and then all shared a sutra that really spoke to us over the training. as i heard everyone sharing, i was amazed at how the sutras really can speak to so many people in so many different ways. the word sutra literally means thread, and are written in a very open ended manner so that each reader can then place their own "beads" of meaning.
we finally ended with natasha telling us to light our candles with an certain intention to commit to a particular area of self-study moving forward and as we made this commitment, to blow our candles out. the room quieted and we chanted om together one last time. and at the very end, when we all opened our eyes. no one even moved. we just looked around the circle, not wanting for it to end.
but finally one by one we got up, stretched our legs and started to depart to our separate corners of the world. all hoping to see one another again, and believing that this is not the end, but just another beginning.
yogaworks teacher trainees boston sept 2009-feb 2010
namaste.
xxx
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