hope springs eternal

 

it's official: it's finally spring.  or so they say.  the biblical amount of rain in boston lately would make one presume otherwise.  but i suppose hoping and believing will pay off in the end.  speaking of, i found out yesterday that i will be taking over my very own class at the wellbridge athletic club in harvard square!  i'll be teaching a slow-flow vinyasa class monday's from 5-6pm.  i had been subbing this particular class for about a month now when the group exercise coordinator suggested to the regular teacher that perhaps rather than having me sub all the time, that i should be put on the schedule.  and much to my surprise, the regular teacher agreed and handed the class over. 

so things are starting slowly but surely. this last monday, for the first time i really felt like i was being more myself while i was teaching.  saying things the way that i wanted to say them rather than searching for the words.  perhaps knowing there was a possibility that i would make this class my own helped me to settle in more as i taught, i guess we will see if my theory proves true when next week's class rolls around.  

in other news i have had a meeting with a new gym and a studio in the last two weeks to see about getting a position teaching.  the studio, located in dedham (a 30 minute drive) has already told me that they want to have me on the sub list and will be making more firm plans about everything mid-april-may-ish.    the gym will be opening in west newton in mid-april and i should be hearing something any day now.  i was supposed to hear last week, but that turned into this week and now who knows.  i am hopeful, but trying not to be attached to anything.  i'd love to get more experience and more teaching slots during the week, but i realize i am pretty green - which is a hard sell.  so, much like waiting for the sun to come back out, all i can do is believe is that it will all happen in it's own time.  

so here's hoping.  for more forward motion.  for some sun.  and for some much needed joy.  

xxx

new site

after wrestling around with purchasing a domain name, creating my site through iweb on my new computer (many many thanks to all who have donated), finding a web hosting service, then figuring out how to upload my site up onto said hosting service, i was finally able to launch my website last night.  it's fairly simple as of now, so any suggestions or comments on what should be added or anything like that, are more than welcome.

so without further ado, please check out my new site: www.kate-yoga.com (!!!)

also i have two subbed classes under my belt and will be subbing a slow-flow vinyasa class again tonight at wellbridge athletic club from 5-6pm. 

xxx

finally...

as i've written about before, i've never been all that comfortable with my body or really myself most of the time.  i am always trying to improve myself.  i joke i don't do new year's resolutions.  firstly because i don't like the whole "i'm gonna lose ten pounds this year" thing and also because i am constantly working through a dozen or so "resolutions" that i start at varying times throughout the year.  but this new year's i did have one thing that i wanted to work on.  i decided that i would learn to be okay with spending more money.  i know this sounds like the complete opposite of what most people resolve to do, but here's my reasoning: 

i used to never like to spend very much money on myself, partly due to my lacking funds, but also because i never wanted to commit to something so pricey if i felt like i was unworthy of it.  meaning, i shouldn't get more pricey and nicer clothes yet because i am in the process of trying to lose weight, because i wasn't yet worthy of something so nice. 

ever since i was a teenager i have wanted a tattoo.  i've gone through many ideas of what and where and how, but i always wanted one.  i wanted one even after my father told me that if i ever got one "it had better be small, because i will cut it off."  but i've always pushed it off thinking that i didn't deserve it.  thinking i wasn't ready for it.  thinking i needed to be "better" before i did something so huge.

but that all changed about 6 months ago.  that's when i decided that this would be my year.  i would be finished with the yoga training, i would be approaching a milestone birthday and i finally had a grasp on what i wanted and where.  elephants are (and have been for as long as i can remember) my favorite animal.  throughout my life the symbolism of elephants has become increasingly important to me.  and during the training the chant "aum" really began to speak to me.  there are so many interpretations i have heard, but my favorite is that aum is the vibration that caused the universe to form.  it represents everything that is, that has been and that will be.  so it was natural that i ask my dear friend hannah to help me design something.  

 as we walked to fat ram's pumpkin tattoo in jamaica plain, i remember telling her how crazy it was that i was actually finally getting my tattoo.  it's almost as if it's a sign that i have started to get to a place where i am no longer waiting for myself to get "better" or be "better."  this thing is permanent and in my heart of hearts i knew it was right for me to get it and to me, that signals that perhaps something major has shifted.  perhaps i have started to accept myself more just the way i am today, rather than waiting for an imagined tomorrow where i'm a supposed improved version of myself.  and maybe, just maybe this is the beginning of true self acceptance. 

this is my ganesh/aum.  (ganesh for those of you playing at home is the hindu elephant-headed god.  he is known to be the remover of obstacles).  this tattoo is a reworking of the traditional aum symbol with a ganesh/elephant spin.  it hurt like heck, but it's mine and i couldn't be happier with it. 

xxx

i get by with a little help from my friends.

in light of my recent robbery, i have been asked (so generously) by many people to let them know what they can do to help.  

so on the advice of a fellow yoga teacher, i am setting up an account with paypal to accept donations to help me pay for my new laptop (which was bought entirely on credit).   

i understand that not everyone is in a position to help in this sort of way, believe me i do.  but any help would be much appreciated. (if you know me, you know how difficult it is for me to ask for help, but if there's ever a time to learn to ask, it's now.) 

if you don't feel comfortable, or are unable to donate anything monetarily, but still want to help, please leave me a message and i will get in contact with you.

thank you again for all of your support.

xxx

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

this saturday i was planning on publishing a post that i had been working on about last weekend, which was all things wonderful, but sadly i was (and have been) unable to since.  

my apartment was burglarized saturday at some point while i was gone supervising a drama festival at a high school and my roommates were out of town and at work respectively.  my computer and all of it's data was taken.  (and no of course none of it was backed up, and no of course i didn't have renters insurance... there's pretty much nothing i can do). i'm not going to talk about how this invasion and theft has (and will) effect me monetarily nor emotionally.  sadly, i have already gone through another apartment which was destroyed by a fire five years ago this summer. and i realize what was lost is only objects.  no one was home, my roommate's cat is no worse for the wear, and it could have been a lot worse.  looking back, the fire ended up having a lot of silver lining.  while it was of course awful and painful, i was able to get out of an apartment i was very unhappy in, i was able to learn how to gracefully accept help from others (something has always been hard for me, and so remains) and i always thought of it as a kind of buddhist cleansing process. 

though i am in the thick of this crisis, i am trying to not let the situation grab hold of me.  there have been a few tears, but not as many as you would think from someone like me who cries at pixar shorts.  i am trying to take it all in stride.  like it happened, and it is painful, but i'm doing all i can now and will do my best to rebuild what i have lost.  i have too many good things on the horizon to let this get me down.  

i am getting signed up to be a sub at my gym this week, and i already have been asked by my regular teacher if i could sub for her.  i have a meeting on thursday at a studio to talk about another instructor position.  i will not allow someone else to steal my joy.  i cannot control the actions of others rather, i can only try to react in a way that will maintain the greatest equanimity of mind.  

i will update again soon about the weekend of awesomeness that preceded the weekend of not so awesomeness. 

xxx