the void.

i caught myself getting sucked down into the void today.  the void of darkness, where negative thoughts lie... just waiting to tear apart any shred of positive, self empowered thought to teeny tiny pieces.  

if you have read my blog, you might recall that since grade school i have struggled with self esteem issues.  so, it can be very easy for me, even as an adult (and even as a yoga practitioner/teacher) to revert to a place where if i see someone succeeding (especially in an arena that i desperately want to succeed at as well) i turn that person's success into my failure.  my failure to not work quickly enough, or hard enough, or maybe i'm not strong or cool enough... or a multitude of any other reasons begin to fill the void; offering up possible shortcomings - giving me some sort of answer as to why i am not worthy of the success another is enjoying.

as i sat there watching my mind sink further into the void of darkness, one of my favorite sutras from patanjali popped into my head: 1.33 "by cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains it's undisturbed calmness."


delight in the virtuous.  delight!  not simmer away into a pool of black frothy jealousy and wonder "what's wrong with me?"  so as i settled on my yoga mat for practice this evening i gave myself the intention of happiness.  nothing more, just happiness.  happiness for the moment, happiness for being where i am and doing what i am doing.  though those black frothy feelings don't just disappear because i will them to - but by setting this seemingly simple intention, i was able to practice with a quiet mind and a smile on my face.  

and i realized it's simple really: just focus on myself, what i can do, and my own happiness. - someone else being happy doesn't mean that they are taking that happiness away from me - thankfully, happiness is not a limited edition item, there is enough in the world for me to have some too.  

we all have our parts to play and will get what we are meant to have.

little by little all is coming...


(yoga works.  that's all there is to it)  :) 

much much light and love.  


xxx