the workshop focused mainly on a strong vinyasa practice with a hefty dose of handstands (my asana nemesis at the moment). though i usually tend to avoid classes or workshops that focus on my weakness (ie. arm balances and inversions) i am so glad that i didn't let me ego get in the way this time. it was wonderful. i was not able to do half of the stuff that was demoed in this workshop but i did my best. and one thing that raghunath said that i will carry with me throughout my practice is: you are planting the seeds. don't worry if you can't do this right now - there's no point in yelling at an apple seed to make apples. you need to plant it and let it grow. everyone in this room is at a different place, either planting or growing or watching a flower bloom or finding the fruit or harvesting and that's great. we all have to start somewhere.
so even though i was falling more than flying (or rather, not falling but being great as raghunath calls it) i kept on trying. and even though i was sweating more than one could think possible (i literally looked like i had been ambushed by a group of young bandits wielding super-soakers) i kept on trying, cause what do i have to lose?
another great point he made is you never know how far you are away from achieving what you want. in terms of asana, perhaps this next time you can jump straight up into handstand - you don't know. that is, until you try. perhaps it won't be this next time, but it will be your hundredth try - who knows. you just gotta keep keeping on.
at one point during the practice, and yes i was already drenched in my own sweat, we transitioned to warrior 2 and were told that we were going to hold it there for one minute. now, one minute may not seem like a long time, but lord, after you have already been working hard it seems like an eternity. raghunath addressed this upfront. "your mind is probably not going to want to you to stay in that pose for that long, but that's okay - change your mind." ha. just change my mind and that will will my limbs from involuntarily shaking... sure.... that sounds reasonable. so once we found our footing he invited us to close our eyes and focus on either counting slowly or repeating a mantra - it will help he assured. so i started slowly counting to 10. s l o w l y. by the time i hit 7 he offered a mantra "not the body, not the mind but something divine." and i fell in love with that. so after i rolled that around in my mind once or twice - we were already done. my arms didn't shake, my front leg didn't buckle under my effort. that was totally doable!
after finishing the practice and coming home, i thought about that mantra again "not the body, not the mind but something divine." in yogic philosophy, we are not characterized by anything that one would normally throw out there in western culture. for example, i am not a young female, five feet five inches - but rather that is simply my body - that is my little "s" self which is merely the vessel for what i really am, what we call our big "s" self. my soul. our little "s" self is constantly in flux, our bodies cells are constantly changing, but our big "s" self exists above that. i (big "s" self) am not my body, i have a body but i am not my body, i (big "s" self) am not my mind, i have a mind but i am not my mind, but rather, i am something divine. how wonderful to be freed from something that for so long i have felt defines me. this body is a gift, a vessel for me to experience the world and i should treat it as such rather than constantly berating myself for it not looking a certain way or not bending a certain way.
i've had a great opportunity of planting lots of seeds this weekend and i can't wait to have them start to grow. i know that on my path to better my practice, and better myself i will be challenged and maybe even renounce these thoughts due to frustration and anger over things i cannot control - it's okay. just because i don't believe them every second of every day doesn't mean it still isn't true. the physical world is in constant flux. there is nothing you can possess in this world that cannot and will not be taken from you. the only thing that can't be taken away from you is your ability to give and share love.
so i invite you, whether or not any of these ideas speak to you or if you think it's all a bunch of hooey - give and share love. it will make this world, ever changing as it is, a better place.
light and love all of you. namaste.
xxx
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