more questions than answers.

this week i have been pondering: how do yoga teachers keep themselves in balance?  as someone who leads others through a journey of being true to themselves while releasing tensions both mental and physical, how do you cope when you are struggling in your own life either on or off the mat?  


on my way to teach class this week i found myself presented with a particularly stressful and upsetting phone call.  with only minutes before i needed to head into the studio and start class, i struggled to equalize myself so that i felt like i could be a helpful teacher.  i sat quietly for as long as i could trying to free my mind and heart from the disruption and carried on, as best i could.  i wish i could say that this class went just as well as any other and i was successful in my attempts to clear my mind.  unfortunately, after class was over all i felt was failure.  like i didn't bring my "a" game and i had failed my students because of that.  i will never know if any of the students noticed but, what will continue to haunt me is that, i did.

ever since i have been wondering, how does a teacher balance being both human and being a guide?  of course part of teaching yoga is showing that you are human.  showing your students that yoga accepts you just the way that you are regardless of what day you were having or how tight your muscles feel.  but, on the other hand, isn't it also partially presentational?  not that you wouldn't be honest but you might also try to sugar coat it.  i mean, i surely wouldn't feel too comfortable coming into a class with a teacher who seemed emotionally unstable.  for example, when i used to wait tables, the customers don't care what kind of day you are having, they just want to have the best experience possible.  don't my students deserve that much?  

while i understand there is something to be gained from using your life experiences (good and bad) in your teaching and learning; some of my most dynamic scenes as an actor have been realized while i was drawing from my personal bank of life experiences.  but, in the heat of the moment - i was neither poised nor wise enough to draw from this fresh altercation and turn it into something useful.  


i honestly don't know what to make of it all, but i hope that with time, an answer will present itself.  perhaps for now, it is good enough just to ask the questions. 

xxx