happy new year. may 2010 bring you peace and happiness.
namaste.
xxx
12/31/2009
12/21/2009
the gift that keeps on giving.
today i was thinking about what makes me happy. (like you do) and on the train to yoga i decided that learning really sets off a fire in me. if i had my way i would just keep taking intensive workshops on yoga and anything else that struck my fancy and i would be incredibly happy. sadly, with my needing to pay rent and oh, eat... that isn't so much in the cards for me right now.
but then, strangely enough, i got a present. the opportunity to teach a public class because a substitute didn't show up. and while it was terrifying (i like to have a little more planning than "do do doo, i'm going to yoga... never mind i'm teaching an hour long class") it also left me feeling so invigorated and happy. even now as i am replaying the class in my mind and scrutinizing everything i did and said - i realized that this was learning in it's finest. just because you are the "teacher" does not mean that you are not constantly learning from yourself and from your students. knowing this is the best present i could ever ask for, as it will continue to give me hope and happiness for months and (god willing) years to come.
xxx
but then, strangely enough, i got a present. the opportunity to teach a public class because a substitute didn't show up. and while it was terrifying (i like to have a little more planning than "do do doo, i'm going to yoga... never mind i'm teaching an hour long class") it also left me feeling so invigorated and happy. even now as i am replaying the class in my mind and scrutinizing everything i did and said - i realized that this was learning in it's finest. just because you are the "teacher" does not mean that you are not constantly learning from yourself and from your students. knowing this is the best present i could ever ask for, as it will continue to give me hope and happiness for months and (god willing) years to come.
xxx
12/16/2009
yoga as transformation.
i can't believe we only have four more weekends left it somehow doesn't seem like enough. but on the same token, i am extremely energized and excited for what is yet to come.
we had the opportunity to learn about the subtle body from an ayurvedic healer this sunday and i walked away with the same amount of wonder and enthusiasm as an 8 year old on christmas morning. we learned about the body's natural energy pulses and chakras. we also learned how to test for healthy energy and chakras and what to do in order to fix one if it's out of whack. even now as i write this, i can't stop thinking about how she called us healers. ... i had never thought of it like that. yes yoga makes you feel better, but really a healer? i like the sound of that.
another idea that has energized me is that yoga is about transformation. while it is easier for me (and others) to notice the physical embodiment of the transformation that occurs along with an asana practice, now the non-physical one is catching up with me. while having dinner with a friend this week, she said something along the lines of "listen to you, all your responses are so philosophical." was i really responding so differently? granted i haven't seen her in about two months, was that really enough time for me to all of the sudden respond differently in everyday conversation? while mulling this over during a yoga practice last night, i was reminded of how quickly my physical body has changed over the course of this training. just over three months ago i wasn't able to hold a steady chaturanga, i had never even attempted an inversion... and now i am holding 4 minute shoulder stands and a 5 minute downward dog. if the physical body can catch up in such a relatively short period of time, why not the mind? i guess like most westerners i was a bit naive on how powerful the physical asana practice can be and how it's effects can reverberate through your entire being.
happy holidays.
xxx
we had the opportunity to learn about the subtle body from an ayurvedic healer this sunday and i walked away with the same amount of wonder and enthusiasm as an 8 year old on christmas morning. we learned about the body's natural energy pulses and chakras. we also learned how to test for healthy energy and chakras and what to do in order to fix one if it's out of whack. even now as i write this, i can't stop thinking about how she called us healers. ... i had never thought of it like that. yes yoga makes you feel better, but really a healer? i like the sound of that.
another idea that has energized me is that yoga is about transformation. while it is easier for me (and others) to notice the physical embodiment of the transformation that occurs along with an asana practice, now the non-physical one is catching up with me. while having dinner with a friend this week, she said something along the lines of "listen to you, all your responses are so philosophical." was i really responding so differently? granted i haven't seen her in about two months, was that really enough time for me to all of the sudden respond differently in everyday conversation? while mulling this over during a yoga practice last night, i was reminded of how quickly my physical body has changed over the course of this training. just over three months ago i wasn't able to hold a steady chaturanga, i had never even attempted an inversion... and now i am holding 4 minute shoulder stands and a 5 minute downward dog. if the physical body can catch up in such a relatively short period of time, why not the mind? i guess like most westerners i was a bit naive on how powerful the physical asana practice can be and how it's effects can reverberate through your entire being.
happy holidays.
xxx
12/02/2009
thankful.
i am more than halfway done with the yogaworks teacher training program. i honestly cannot believe how much time has gone by. i have learned so much and yet i feel like there is still so much more i need to learn before i feel like i will be ready to be out on my own, teaching. then again, like most things i suppose this is something that you should never stop working at or learning about.
lately, it has become abundantly clear that i need to make some changes in my life. while this has the potential to be disconcerting, and in the past i could easily see myself being devastated by some of the challenges i have faced recently. this has only reminded me why i am so thankful for my practice. nothing that has been happening defines me and that is incredibly freeing.
xxx
lately, it has become abundantly clear that i need to make some changes in my life. while this has the potential to be disconcerting, and in the past i could easily see myself being devastated by some of the challenges i have faced recently. this has only reminded me why i am so thankful for my practice. nothing that has been happening defines me and that is incredibly freeing.
xxx
10/28/2009
the journey
fresh off a visit home to meet my family's newest member (a very sweet nephew named jackson) i have been thinking a lot about each person's life journey. admittedly my own has been the main focus of my thoughts ever since i decided to commit to this training course... wait, scratch that - since i started practicing yoga more mindfully over this past year. a long bus ride back from vermont gave me some much needed silence to allow some of these thoughts free reign in my mind. however, i find myself unable to type anything near coherent as of yet on the subject.
the one thing i can do is leave you with a small piece of wisdom extracted from my homework reading:
"with the grace of your breath, start at the beginning, move with awareness, and open yourself up for the ride. one by one, step by step, you'll get there" - maty ezraty
xxx
the one thing i can do is leave you with a small piece of wisdom extracted from my homework reading:
"with the grace of your breath, start at the beginning, move with awareness, and open yourself up for the ride. one by one, step by step, you'll get there" - maty ezraty
xxx
10/16/2009
long overdue...
it's been a while. admittedly i fell into a spot of illness after last weekends training which has fogged my mind and body. poor excuse i know. i shall strive to do better.
last weekend marked the third week of the training program. our theme was inversions. (meaning anything where the head is below the heart). now besides downward facing dog and a few brushes with plow pose and shoulder stand - i am inexperienced at inversions. further more the idea of balancing the entirety of my body weight on my hands or head is downright frightening. after 4 1/2 hours of practicing (no break) i am happy to say i feel a lot more comfortable with being upside down! and i found them to be more relaxing than i would have previously thought.
this weekend we are working on surya namaskar (sun salutes). i have to say i was also worried about this weekend since i am still getting over this sickness, i thought that working as intensely as we have in the last few weekends - i would end up getting worse again just as i was feeling better with all the physical exertion. thankfully today was much more workshop like the whole day rather than being a full 2 1/2 hour practice followed by 2 hours of work shopping poses like last weekend.
another thing that has been pressing on my mind lately is more of the philosophy of yoga. i am so enthralled by it; but i find myself being concerned that i am not in a place where i follow said philosophy yet. for example - positive thinking. i attempt to think positively. i do. i try to maintain "evenness of mind" but then some customer says something completely heinous to me at work or i experience one of the many acts of rudeness that occur on the city streets daily and i feel my blood pressure rise. then i worry that because i have not yet achieved this way of thinking, that i am destined to fail. however, one thing does give me comfort: at least i am conscious of how i feel and have a goal in mind which is a lot further along then i was just a few years ago. hopefully this is a sign of things moving forward in this realm for me.
xxx
last weekend marked the third week of the training program. our theme was inversions. (meaning anything where the head is below the heart). now besides downward facing dog and a few brushes with plow pose and shoulder stand - i am inexperienced at inversions. further more the idea of balancing the entirety of my body weight on my hands or head is downright frightening. after 4 1/2 hours of practicing (no break) i am happy to say i feel a lot more comfortable with being upside down! and i found them to be more relaxing than i would have previously thought.
this weekend we are working on surya namaskar (sun salutes). i have to say i was also worried about this weekend since i am still getting over this sickness, i thought that working as intensely as we have in the last few weekends - i would end up getting worse again just as i was feeling better with all the physical exertion. thankfully today was much more workshop like the whole day rather than being a full 2 1/2 hour practice followed by 2 hours of work shopping poses like last weekend.
another thing that has been pressing on my mind lately is more of the philosophy of yoga. i am so enthralled by it; but i find myself being concerned that i am not in a place where i follow said philosophy yet. for example - positive thinking. i attempt to think positively. i do. i try to maintain "evenness of mind" but then some customer says something completely heinous to me at work or i experience one of the many acts of rudeness that occur on the city streets daily and i feel my blood pressure rise. then i worry that because i have not yet achieved this way of thinking, that i am destined to fail. however, one thing does give me comfort: at least i am conscious of how i feel and have a goal in mind which is a lot further along then i was just a few years ago. hopefully this is a sign of things moving forward in this realm for me.
xxx
9/20/2009
little by little...
this weekend we are focusing on externally rotated standing poses. after another quite strong 3 hour long practice, we went ahead and did some sanskrit pronunciation (which i am quite grateful for, now i can at least recognize the 8-10 names we went over in class and even say them if i think about it long enough). after that, back we were to the mat working on some common externally rotated poses. the ones we focused on were virabhadrasana 2 (warrior 2), utthita trikonasana (extended triangle), utthita parvakonasana (extended side-angle) and vrksasana (tree pose).
now i should preface this next story with a disclaimer we were given by natasha last weekend. every class we will be doing what she calls "looking at bodies" if while we practice she sees someone in the class doing something she thinks could be corrected, and everyone will benefit from experiencing that adjustment, she will during a practice ask all but one person to get out of the pose and come over to see what she is talking about. this is not meant to embarrass anyone but rather to help us correct an action in your own yoga and to help us learn how to effectively correct someone else in their own practice.
needless to say, yesterday was my first experience being "looked at." we were practicing virabhadrasana 2 (which i also have to preface by saying: i have very tight hips, hamstrings, etc. etc. this makes externally rotated poses a challenge for me since mainly what you are working in them are your hip flexors and your hamstrings). so 41 people are gathered around my mat while i hold virabhadrasana 2 . (not the easiest or most comfy of poses to start with). after a few slight adjustments with my heel alignment and then natasha directing me to lengthen my stance (which of course makes it harder and a more productive stretch) i had a beautiful vira 2 pose. while usually something like that would give me anxiety and make me feel bad for her even seeing something off in my pose in the first place, instead i felt so empowered and happy to be in that room at that time.
later in the day, while talking about the philosophy and history of yoga we touched on the thought of everyone having a dharma, a life's purpose, which they must figure out and fulfill. in order to explain this better natasha talked about the bhagavad gita (and while i haven't read it, i will give a general play by play) - the gita is a conversation between lord krishna and arjuna taking place on the battlefield at the start of the kurukshetra war where arjuna is supposed to lead his troops into battle, but has some doubts. krishna explains to him in this moment frozen in time - that this is his destiny. he must take this action and let go of the possible results. there is no way to know what will actually happen so all that you can do, is take the action in the moment. while this is an extremely elementary breaking down of the story, i found that it really moved me. everyone in this society is always worried with the possible outcomes and "what ifs" of every situation (myself included) but in the end, whatever is going to happen is going to happen - you need to take the actions meant for you to take and not worry about what might or might not come of it. i hope this speaks to some of you out there as well.
"little by little, all is coming"
xxx
now i should preface this next story with a disclaimer we were given by natasha last weekend. every class we will be doing what she calls "looking at bodies" if while we practice she sees someone in the class doing something she thinks could be corrected, and everyone will benefit from experiencing that adjustment, she will during a practice ask all but one person to get out of the pose and come over to see what she is talking about. this is not meant to embarrass anyone but rather to help us correct an action in your own yoga and to help us learn how to effectively correct someone else in their own practice.
needless to say, yesterday was my first experience being "looked at." we were practicing virabhadrasana 2 (which i also have to preface by saying: i have very tight hips, hamstrings, etc. etc. this makes externally rotated poses a challenge for me since mainly what you are working in them are your hip flexors and your hamstrings). so 41 people are gathered around my mat while i hold virabhadrasana 2 . (not the easiest or most comfy of poses to start with). after a few slight adjustments with my heel alignment and then natasha directing me to lengthen my stance (which of course makes it harder and a more productive stretch) i had a beautiful vira 2 pose. while usually something like that would give me anxiety and make me feel bad for her even seeing something off in my pose in the first place, instead i felt so empowered and happy to be in that room at that time.
later in the day, while talking about the philosophy and history of yoga we touched on the thought of everyone having a dharma, a life's purpose, which they must figure out and fulfill. in order to explain this better natasha talked about the bhagavad gita (and while i haven't read it, i will give a general play by play) - the gita is a conversation between lord krishna and arjuna taking place on the battlefield at the start of the kurukshetra war where arjuna is supposed to lead his troops into battle, but has some doubts. krishna explains to him in this moment frozen in time - that this is his destiny. he must take this action and let go of the possible results. there is no way to know what will actually happen so all that you can do, is take the action in the moment. while this is an extremely elementary breaking down of the story, i found that it really moved me. everyone in this society is always worried with the possible outcomes and "what ifs" of every situation (myself included) but in the end, whatever is going to happen is going to happen - you need to take the actions meant for you to take and not worry about what might or might not come of it. i hope this speaks to some of you out there as well.
"little by little, all is coming"
xxx
9/16/2009
week one.
i have been needing and wanting to write an update about the first weekend of the teacher training program ever since saturday. sadly between lack of time and pure exhaustion - it has been delayed... until now.
today is the first day i woke up and didn't feel a majority of my muscles giving me feedback in response to this weekend's practice. i have done yoga for a while now, but never for more than 1-2 hours at a time. day one (a seven hour day in total) we spent two doing a fairly strong practice. our teacher, natasha rizopoulos, is from the ashtanga school of yoga, which is an intensive branch that focuses on practicing a flow in order to generate heat within the body and sweat toxins out of your body. and boy did i. i think i sweat as much as i do when i go to a power prana class which is in a room heated to 98 degrees. then after this practice we break and then do some talking then back to our mats/the wall to breakdown a few asanas that we are focusing on that particular day. this translates to standing, spending about 40 minutes to an hour on any given asana. such as tadasana (mountain pose). this is the basis for all other neutrally rotated standing positions and is usually one that all beginner yogis practice. (feet together, hips centered, shoulders spread and relaxed with your hands hanging down at your sides). this pose took up about an hour of time with us finding the absolute correct posturing. it was intense, and amazing.
there are some things that still worry me.
first off, the class consists of 40 other people. usually these classes have around 25. that brings me a bit of anxiety, not only because we have to stretch quite carefully so as to not smack our neighbor in the face; but also i generally do better with smaller groups. i also had hoped that i would be able to get a bit more one on one time with the teacher. though i suppose you get what you put into a course like this, so it's on me to get the experience i want out of this course regardless of the class size.
secondly, it seems like everyone else in the class knows a good majority of the sanskrit names for the asanas. i know maybe two. while i am taking this class to learn... it's a bit daunting to seemingly be so far behind already. i have some flashcards in my future, methinks...
there's more i want to write but sadly it's already wednesday and i still have homework that must be finished for saturday's class so off i go to educate myself!
xxx
today is the first day i woke up and didn't feel a majority of my muscles giving me feedback in response to this weekend's practice. i have done yoga for a while now, but never for more than 1-2 hours at a time. day one (a seven hour day in total) we spent two doing a fairly strong practice. our teacher, natasha rizopoulos, is from the ashtanga school of yoga, which is an intensive branch that focuses on practicing a flow in order to generate heat within the body and sweat toxins out of your body. and boy did i. i think i sweat as much as i do when i go to a power prana class which is in a room heated to 98 degrees. then after this practice we break and then do some talking then back to our mats/the wall to breakdown a few asanas that we are focusing on that particular day. this translates to standing, spending about 40 minutes to an hour on any given asana. such as tadasana (mountain pose). this is the basis for all other neutrally rotated standing positions and is usually one that all beginner yogis practice. (feet together, hips centered, shoulders spread and relaxed with your hands hanging down at your sides). this pose took up about an hour of time with us finding the absolute correct posturing. it was intense, and amazing.
there are some things that still worry me.
first off, the class consists of 40 other people. usually these classes have around 25. that brings me a bit of anxiety, not only because we have to stretch quite carefully so as to not smack our neighbor in the face; but also i generally do better with smaller groups. i also had hoped that i would be able to get a bit more one on one time with the teacher. though i suppose you get what you put into a course like this, so it's on me to get the experience i want out of this course regardless of the class size.
secondly, it seems like everyone else in the class knows a good majority of the sanskrit names for the asanas. i know maybe two. while i am taking this class to learn... it's a bit daunting to seemingly be so far behind already. i have some flashcards in my future, methinks...
there's more i want to write but sadly it's already wednesday and i still have homework that must be finished for saturday's class so off i go to educate myself!
xxx
9/07/2009
what is yoga?
first of all i would like to share that september is national yoga awareness month. and to celebrate many studios around the country are giving away a free week of yoga classes. you can request your coupon up until 09/30/09 by going to: http://www.yogamonth.org/
now on to the question that has been plaguing my mind for the last two months:
what is yoga?
it also happens to be the first question that yoga works has asked me to answer and hand in on the first day of training on saturday.
i find myself torn on how to approach this question. my first instinct is to answer as simply as the question was asked: yoga is the practice of unifying the body, mind and spirit which is done through practicing a series of postures, along with breathing, and meditation.
on the other, i feel the urge to expound on what yoga means as a philosophy or what it means to me as an individual.
on this same note i have been thinking more and more about yoga as a subculture and what is expected of you once you begin practicing yoga. i have been inundated with questions/assumptions about what it means to be a yogi. such thoughts i've run into for example: all yogis are vegetarians (which i currently am not), or needing to buy my yoga clothes from an expensive store (which let's face it, while their stuff is nice - how does spending $80 on a yoga top bring you any closer to enlightenment? i am perfectly happy practicing in my $12 champion top from target, thank you very much!), or the ever popular assessment that all yogis are contortionists just waiting to show off their skills the moment someone asks.
after being presented time and time again with assumptions on what it means to be a yogi, i found myself taking comfort in something written in the yoga sutras of patanjali - sri swami satchidananda writes "if there is something useful for you in his words, take it and make use of it. if there is anything not useful, leave it." yoga is not meant to be limiting, but rather freeing. while, there are a lot of preconceived notions regarding the practicing of yoga - the only one that matters is the student who comes to their mat sincerely ready to practice.
xxx
now on to the question that has been plaguing my mind for the last two months:
what is yoga?
it also happens to be the first question that yoga works has asked me to answer and hand in on the first day of training on saturday.
i find myself torn on how to approach this question. my first instinct is to answer as simply as the question was asked: yoga is the practice of unifying the body, mind and spirit which is done through practicing a series of postures, along with breathing, and meditation.
on the other, i feel the urge to expound on what yoga means as a philosophy or what it means to me as an individual.
on this same note i have been thinking more and more about yoga as a subculture and what is expected of you once you begin practicing yoga. i have been inundated with questions/assumptions about what it means to be a yogi. such thoughts i've run into for example: all yogis are vegetarians (which i currently am not), or needing to buy my yoga clothes from an expensive store (which let's face it, while their stuff is nice - how does spending $80 on a yoga top bring you any closer to enlightenment? i am perfectly happy practicing in my $12 champion top from target, thank you very much!), or the ever popular assessment that all yogis are contortionists just waiting to show off their skills the moment someone asks.
after being presented time and time again with assumptions on what it means to be a yogi, i found myself taking comfort in something written in the yoga sutras of patanjali - sri swami satchidananda writes "if there is something useful for you in his words, take it and make use of it. if there is anything not useful, leave it." yoga is not meant to be limiting, but rather freeing. while, there are a lot of preconceived notions regarding the practicing of yoga - the only one that matters is the student who comes to their mat sincerely ready to practice.
xxx
8/28/2009
new beginnings.
i am but a mere two weeks from beginning my yoga works teacher training program. i have been waiting/planning for this for almost a year. i've done the research, paid all the bills, got all the books, met the teacher... and yet, i can't seem to shake this nagging feeling of fear.
i know this is the right course for me to be taking - i know that this training will enrich my mind, body, and spirit. however, i can't help but worry that i am once again embarking on yet another career that i will not be able to be hired to do.
after ten years of training to be an actor, a college degree in acting and theater education and a license to teach theater in the state of massachusetts and still having no job prospects that directly relate to acting nor educating actors... i suppose i may have reason to be a bit paranoid.
while it is my intention (and hope) to be able to work as a yoga teacher, i have to also remember what made me want to do this in the first place - which was solely about me; about allowing myself to deepen my understanding and practice of yoga in order to live a healthier and happier life. now at the risk of sounding too new age-y: all i have to do is allow myself to be okay with where i am, without passing judgment on about where i want to be or think i should be.
xxx
i know this is the right course for me to be taking - i know that this training will enrich my mind, body, and spirit. however, i can't help but worry that i am once again embarking on yet another career that i will not be able to be hired to do.
after ten years of training to be an actor, a college degree in acting and theater education and a license to teach theater in the state of massachusetts and still having no job prospects that directly relate to acting nor educating actors... i suppose i may have reason to be a bit paranoid.
while it is my intention (and hope) to be able to work as a yoga teacher, i have to also remember what made me want to do this in the first place - which was solely about me; about allowing myself to deepen my understanding and practice of yoga in order to live a healthier and happier life. now at the risk of sounding too new age-y: all i have to do is allow myself to be okay with where i am, without passing judgment on about where i want to be or think i should be.
xxx
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