the price of happiness.

over the past month i have been doing a lot of soul searching.  i have been overworked, exhausted and sick on and off for the past month.  beyond that, i have also been dealing with my two newly adopted cats having a variety of emergent problems which resulted in two trips to the animal emergency room and multiple follow up visits to vets and animal hospitals.  needless to say, stressful situations have been permeating my day to days.  

 all of this stress has been balled up inside of me, pushed down and survived through - so i could stay afloat.  so i could keep working 50-60 hour weeks.  so i could always be where i needed to be when i needed to be there. always.  needless to say, my body has reacted and it as not (as you may have guessed) in a positive way.  i've been having some very troubling symptoms the last 10 days and after seeing a doctor yesterday have learned that the best case scenario is that it is all due to the stress i have been going through.  worst case is... something i am not quite sure of and not quite prepared for but, they are running a bunch of tests and here's hoping things improve, otherwise a bunch more tests await.  


my body has made it clear to me that what i am doing, over extending myself, is not going to fly.  so here comes the part where i start to do some soul searching.  things are the way they are, so how do i do something about it?  decisions have been made and some sacrifices are to come, but i am remaining confident that although it may be scary and it may go against what my brain tells me is right, but this time - i have to trust my heart.  things will fall into place if they are right.  and though i cannot see the full picture right now, perhaps i am not meant to, it all comes down to this: what is ultimately going to bring me closer to my truest, fullest expression of myself?  

details will be forthcoming when the time is right.  though, if you'd care to have a more in depth conversation with me about any of this - feel free to leave me a message.  

i will leave you with a few quotes from my dad in my last e-mail exchange with him that brought me very much comfort and i hope they will you as well. 

"when everything is said and done, it will be the things we should have done, but did not that we will most regret, not the things we should not have done, but did."

and perhaps my new mantra: "what greater responsibility could you possibly have than to be happy." 

xxx 

okay... thanks to some random person leaving strange and inappropriate comments on my blog, i am going to be moderating comments from here on out. 

xxx

one year ago...

... i just was starting the yogaworks teacher training.  it's amazing to think how much has actually changed.  even though i feel really great about how much i have been able to do over the last 6 months since teacher training ended, i kind of wish i was doing it again.  having the chance to soak in all of that information knowing what i know now, being able to ask the questions that only arose once i started teaching... would be so absolutely satisfying.  but, i guess i am going to have to wait until the 500 hr training comes around to boston.  which i really hope will be next year.  i feel like i have done well with what i have so far, but i am itching to know more and to do more as a teacher and i need more training to get there.  so consider this my formal plea to yogaworks -- boston 500 hr teacher training.  please and thank you!!! 

another update on the teaching front:  another class to add to the roster.  it is also at shanti at the armory in somerville.  it's a community vinyasa flow class, so it's only $6 (cash only) to attend!  every sunday from 4-5pm. it's a really wonderful space and i am very excited to have this class.  so please come!  it's a great (affordable) way to experience the vibe of a yoga studio without having the seeming hassle of having to commit, or to buy a 10-class card or anything like that.  if getting there is an issue, i do drive to the armory, so if you want a lift, i would be happy to provide it!  same offer goes to anyone wanting to attend my breathe and flow class on mondays from 7-8:15pm.  i really hope to get the word out on both of my classes at the armory so if you can come, or you know someone who is in the area, please direct them to my website www.kate-yoga.com for my up to date schedule or to contact me with any questions they might have.

i'm thinking of all of my ywtt f'10-s11 i hope you all are well.  namaste. 

xxx

  

and now for something completely different.

mmmrph.  so much for all of my excitement over having another regular class - no one showed last night.  kind of a downer.  definitely made me question myself and my teaching... but, i am hoping that after labor day things will pick up.  *fingers crossed* that paired with a few other things, which of course i have no control over.  and may very well have nothing to do with me or my "quality" at all, but nevertheless still made me call my worth as a teacher into question, i guess you could say i am a bit insecure. but. i am trying not to equate my worth and my quality of teaching based on whether or not anyone showed to a class at a studio i have only really taught at once.  or anything else i don't really have control over for that matter.  of course this is a completely foreign concept to me, as i usually think i am at fault for not succeeding, which is why you might be able to guess, i wasn't able to stay in the acting game.  the constant rejection hurt my soul too much. 

 in other news i am slowly starting to get settled into my new room (same apartment just switched rooms).  i am super excited about this room switch because this room allows me to have space to do my home practice without having to shift everything in my room to do so.  i have really been lacking in my efforts to have a consistent home practice so i am hoping that having my mat ready, waiting and available will make hopping on it all the more enticing.  of course, i have been so busy i haven't had much time to finish setting up my room past the essentials so there my mat sits rolled up in a corner surrounded by the things i am just not sure what to do with yet.  

in anticipation of the coming free time (ha!) i am starting to look into places to buy some more yoga accessories.  i would like to have a bolster and a blanket  so i could do a restorative practice at home if i so desire - does anyone have any recommendations on where to buy these things?  i have done some pretty general internet searches but i figured actual  recommendations would be best over just choosing any random site that offers something that looks appealing. 


another request for my fellow yogis/teachers out there - as i am starting to teach multiple classes in multiple places i am starting to wonder how others keep track of what they did where?  i will usually have a general idea of what i want to do for each class and/or a focus pose or body area to work on each day, but i feel like if i end up teaching at the same studio the next day, i don't want to accidentally use the same flow lest i be seen as uncreative.  (even though, yes, i do fall in love with certain flows and use them over and over because i think they are just so cool... and i do think that is a good thing i just also want to be sure i am being original enough too you know?) also as i start to incorporate playlists into my teaching i want to be sure i don't use the exact same playlists two times.  i'm thinking i can solve this by just jotting stuff down in a notebook right after class, but if anyone has some amazingly awesome system they have and wouldn't mind sharing, i would be appreciative.  and here's hoping i will be teaching enough classes in the near future that i will need to worry about keeping track of all of these things.  


thanks for reading! hopefully next time around i will be in a bit more of a positive place. 


xxx

ch-ch-ch-changes...

things are chugging right along.  as the summer comes to a close i am always overwhelmed with the feeling of change.  this season more than any other makes me think of new beginnings (i know, isn't that what spring is for?) perhaps it has something to do with the fall and that being when i am so ingrained to know as the time for the new school year, new leases starting and the overall shifting from playtime to business for most of the working world.  

i have been in negotiations for a while with a few different studios/fitness centers to see about working out scheduling to start up a class at their facility.  and so far i have gained one more regular class to my schedule - starting tonight i will be teaching monday nights from 7-8:15pm at shanti at the armory in somerville.  i subbed the class last week and although there was only one person in attendance, i am hoping in the next few weeks i will get a few more people regularly.  it's a beautiful space and i really like the vibe there.  i am very much looking forward to it. 


i am hoping i will have a few more updates for you in the coming days and weeks so stay tuned.  as always i am updating my website with any subbings or new classes www.kate-yoga.com 


until next time. be well. 


xxx
 

sometimes we all need to pause.

i know i have been absent for quite a while on the whole blogging front.  a multitude of things have contributed to this end but, please know this is only but a pause and not a complete stop to my musings.  to be honest, recently, i have felt like i don't have very much to say.  at least nothing i am proud of or feel would be enlightening to others whatsoever.   i haven't (again for many reasons) been able to live or speak from my center lately and it's been causing a lot of turmoil for me.  at first i didn't want to deal with it... we all know how that story ends right? me sobbing non-stop over the smallest things?  yup.  sounds about right.  so now i am trying to take the time and take care of me for a change.  it's something i am not really accustomed to.  it's so much easier for me to give to someone else than to give to myself, not to even mention, to ask for someone to give to me.  

as a good friend of mine recently pointed out, "you need to take care of yourself, because no one else is going to do that for you.  no one else is going to put you first."  and why should they?  it's hard enough to care about someone... but to then be selfless in that caring and giving? why should they?  

so that's where i'm at.   please take my hiatus as i work on some things (and urge myself to believe that i have something to write that others would want to read) as merely a pause.  an expectant pause waiting for a new life.  a new wave of inspiration.  a new hope. 

and with that, i shall leave you with a quote from one of my favorite shakespearean plays: "o time, you must unravel this, not i; for now this knot's too tangled to untie"

i wish you all well.  namaste. 

xxx

my moment of zen part two (or the anatomy of a sunset).

i took these photos last night in about three minute intervals.   enjoy. 

 

 xxx