my moment of zen part two (or the anatomy of a sunset).

i took these photos last night in about three minute intervals.   enjoy. 

 

 xxx

my moment of zen.

this weekend was supposed to be one filled with friends and relaxation - however due to varying circumstances i find myself on a retreat with none of the expected guests.  i am currently up at my family's cottage in west danville, vermont on joe's pond.  it's a little slice of heaven.  

when i was little, i used to move up here every summer with my family and spent my days playing capture the flag or kickball or blob with the neighbor kids, swimming with my big brother and sister and listening to the rain fall on the thin roof right above my head at night.  no tv channels, and up until this year no internet or cell phone service. there's no better way to spend a summer.  i will be leaving early sunday, a day earlier than planned, for lots of yoga coming my way back in boston, but until then i will enjoy my little slice of heaven and a much needed break. 

here's what i woke up to this morning: (and though it isn't very clear, that is a loon friend hanging out at the end of our dock).

more to come i am sure, as this place is just full of photo ops. :) 

xxx

a day in the life...

today was a busy day in the life of a wanna-be yoga teacher.  recently i've been presented with a few subbing gigs and of course i pounced on them.  however, i got to experience first hand a taste of being a member of the wanna-be self-employed crowd mixed in with the very much full-time employed crowd.  

8-9:45am - work downtown at my desk job
9:45-10:15am - book it on the t from downtown boston to harvard sq, walk to karma yoga. 
10:30-11:45am - teach vinyasa flow at karma yoga
12-1pm - teach another vinyasa flow
1:10-1:20pm - book it back downtown on the t from harvard square
1:20-1:30pm - get caught in a downpour with (of course) no umbrella
1:30-4:30pm -  at the desk job scrambling to get everything i need to together before i... 
4:30-4:50pm - head back on the t to harvard sq to teach
5-6pm - teach my slow-flow vinyasa at wellbridge
6:15-6:30pm - caught a bus home 

after writing that all out i must say - i loved getting to teach three times today.  it was wonderful.  it was only the in between parts that made me feel harried and not on top of my game.  it's hard to find the balance following the path you love and the path that pays the bills.  it reminds me of when my first nephew, liam, was first learning how to get around.  he would be sitting on the floor, then figure out he wanted to go somewhere - rock forward onto all fours and then do this adorable shimmy rock forwards and backwards thing trying to somehow propel himself forward.  and when he didn't magically start to move, he would plop back down on his butt and give out a little whimper.  he could see where he wanted to go and he saw other people going there, he just couldn't quite connect how to do it himself.  but as babies do, he kept trying (who knows how many times) until eventually, and what seems in a blink of an eye, he started going.  

maybe (in a very simplified and elementary view) that is what i am doing now.  shimmying forwards and backwards hoping that one of these times i will just magically propel forward.  hey maybe one of these times it will actually work - now wouldn't that be something?    


xxx

yoga on the charles

yesterday marked the first yoga on the charles class. it's a free class being sponsored by the cambridge river conservancy and runs every sunday this summer until september 5th from 5pm-6pm outside by the charles river on the corner of memorial drive and dewolfe street. lululemon is generously donating 25 mats that they will bring to and from the site every sunday for anyone who needs one to use.  ever since i signed on for this a few months ago,  i have been so excited about this event.

we had a modest turnout, under 20 people but for the first time this being done - not bad.  the main teacher led sunday's class and there seemed to be more assistants than we knew what to do with.  the main teacher's style is not one i am very familiar with, and in all honesty, i cringed a few times with her choices of counter poses or instructions... but you know it's all yoga.  and there's no reason for me to be yogier than thou every style and teacher has their merit even if it isn't my style of choice - so i went with it.  and sadly even with my good intentions i still had the experience that sometimes too many yoga teachers at a class are a little like too many cooks in the kitchen.  i had two people approach me with with seeming territorial run ins which was very unfortunate and a little disappointing.  maybe it is partially my fault for just assuming that like minded people (such as yoga teachers) would give a person the benefit of the doubt and think the best of others and maybe go with the flow a little more.  but maybe not.  i am trying to just let it pass but for some reason these small interactions have just stuck with me right in my gut.  yuck.  moving on.   i can't control anyone else, i can only control myself and how i react to it. 


i will get to teach the class on july 25th - so if you are in the boston/cambridge area, come on out.  i'll rock some flows and vinyasas and it will be a fun time.  

some yogis rocking out at yoga on the charles this week.

xxx

what to do... what to do?

last week i went in for an audition to be a yoga instructor at a to-be-left-nameless community center.  it's about a 30 minute drive from my apartment.  i was pretty excited about it.  until i got there.  during the interview i felt a bit put off .  they weren't rude or anything, but it almost seemed like they were trying to talk me out of taking the position from the start.  it started out innocently enough - asking how far of a commute it was for me, but then they asked how much money i made at my other studios.  when i told them, they almost scoffed and said something to the effect of "we definitely won't be able to pay you that here."  then they emphasized the whole service to the community aspect - which i completely get.  i am not teaching yoga for the money.  though one day i do hope to be able to teach yoga as my sole career. 

after the questions part i did a short class which neither of my interviewers were prepared for - one was in a flouncy skirt and the other was wearing khakis and a button-up long sleeve.  i felt very much like i was going through the motions.  half-way through my sequence a man walked in the room and ended up watching me finish the class.  when i was done he asked if i did any hands on adjustments.  now i realize this is something that people look for, but i was given 10 minutes to teach two people a shortened class (one of which gave up in the first low lunge) - so no, i did not give any hands on adjustments. they weren't able to really do anything due to their clothing and what, am i supposed to point that out in the audition?  so anyway, i smiled and explained that since they weren't really warm i didn't do anything because i didn't know their bodies and they weren't doing anything that would have caused them harm.  

so then he decides he needs to test my knowledge.  he gets into a down dog that looks like a trapezoid.  i give him a few verbal cues and use my hands to guide into a more appropriate down dog which seemed to satisfy him.  

after that they went on to ask me about my drama teaching - and whether or not i would be interested in running a drama class.  which, don't get me wrong.  i loved teaching drama.  but now, i am trying to be a yoga teacher. right?  it was around this point that i finally got to ask a question and come to find that i would be teaching a mixed age class.  meaning, children can come to my class. hmm. i love teaching high school students, but 6 year olds... not so much.

they make another push to tell me that  working at a community center makes you a better person and many people go on to do wonderful things.  then they shuffle me out and have me fill out forms so they can check to see if i am a kidnapper or something. 

when i left i felt kind of icky.  like i wasn't interviewed but rather tested.  i told a few people about how strange it was, shook it off and went on with my life.  thinking they wouldn't contact me again.  now over a week later, i get an e-mail.  of course they want me.  so now i feel like i am at an impasse.  my first instinct, is that i wasn't comfortable there.  why should i put myself in a position where i am going out of my way (30 minute drive) for nothing more than experience really?  while experience is grand, and i know i just wrote a whole post about hungry i am to gain it, but at what point do you realize that you need to stop compromising yourself out of fear.  

i haven't been unemployed, not for even a day since i graduated college.  i've been employed in one form or another since i was 15.  one of the biggest reasons why is that i am scared.  i accept things when they are offered if i think i can't do better.  

so.  what to do?  all of my instincts are telling me that this isn't right.  not right now.  but, even so, how do i avoid feeling that dreaded guilt the moment that i decline.  i can see myself now, kicking myself, saying, someone wanted to pay me (some little amount that they seem to think they told me but they definitely did not) to do the thing i love, and i turned it down.  and cue the ticking clock of my goal to be teaching at least three times a week within the year... and yes, that is going to paint an ugly picture indeed. 

so, seriously.  what to do?  

xxx