over the past month i have been doing a lot of soul searching. i have been overworked, exhausted and sick on and off for the past month. beyond that, i have also been dealing with my two newly adopted cats having a variety of emergent problems which resulted in two trips to the animal emergency room and multiple follow up visits to vets and animal hospitals. needless to say, stressful situations have been permeating my day to days.
all of this stress has been balled up inside of me, pushed down and survived through - so i could stay afloat. so i could keep working 50-60 hour weeks. so i could always be where i needed to be when i needed to be there. always. needless to say, my body has reacted and it as not (as you may have guessed) in a positive way. i've been having some very troubling symptoms the last 10 days and after seeing a doctor yesterday have learned that the best case scenario is that it is all due to the stress i have been going through. worst case is... something i am not quite sure of and not quite prepared for but, they are running a bunch of tests and here's hoping things improve, otherwise a bunch more tests await.
my body has made it clear to me that what i am doing, over extending myself, is not going to fly. so here comes the part where i start to do some soul searching. things are the way they are, so how do i do something about it? decisions have been made and some sacrifices are to come, but i am remaining confident that although it may be scary and it may go against what my brain tells me is right, but this time - i have to trust my heart. things will fall into place if they are right. and though i cannot see the full picture right now, perhaps i am not meant to, it all comes down to this: what is ultimately going to bring me closer to my truest, fullest expression of myself?
details will be forthcoming when the time is right. though, if you'd care to have a more in depth conversation with me about any of this - feel free to leave me a message.
i will leave you with a few quotes from my dad in my last e-mail exchange with him that brought me very much comfort and i hope they will you as well.
"when everything is said and done, it will be the things we should have done, but did not that we will most regret, not the things we should not have done, but did."
and perhaps my new mantra: "what greater responsibility could you possibly have than to be happy."
xxx
